Ok so we all know that we hold thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and how we fit into the world around us. Some of these thoughts will be positive and some negative.
I know from my experience that these positive and negative thoughts can change over time. Events can happen that make us question ourselves or start to believe in a more negative way.
With the ending of my marriage this happened to me. In reality I have probably had that underlying negative tendency which has affected many aspects of my life. I tend think of it as choking on life. I have had a fair few good opportunities, mainly from people seeing positive good things in me and asking about or offering opportunities for me.
In some cases I have been able to see good outcomes and have thrived in whatever the challenge may be. But at other times I have ‘choked’ on my lack of self-belief and undermined myself by questioning am I good enough, can I really do this, am I clever enough or possess the skills. The really dart thing is deep down I know I can and that I could be so much more than I am. I just choose at times not to listen to the positive voice and instead listen to the false negative thoughts.
So what can we do about this..
First know the facts. It is important to identify what is reality and what is purely a belief that has no factual basis. I’ll give you a simple example that is right here and right now… I am writing this after laying awake feeling very negative about how I can earn enough to look after my two little girls and give them as good a life as I can, that I want to be able to continue to build the relationship with my partner and be able to treat her and take her away or out for meals and buy her nice things, that my car needs fixing (still), that I (still) need to buy a washing machine and much more.
Now some of that is based on fact and some of it is speculative belief. My car does need fixing and that will cost money but I don’t know how much yet so I should consider it but not overly worry. I do need a washing machine so I should look at prices and see what I can realistically afford. That will remove the uncertainty there.
Yes I would love to be able to take my girls out to expensive places or spoil them lots but I need to be realistic about my income to outgoing. This doesn’t mean I am any less of a good dad what it means is I need to be inventive and realistic. There is a lot of fun and good experience to be had from spending very little. We had a great time this evening building spaceships and parachutes from boxes I had collected instead of throwing away and some sticky tape.
In relation to the lady I love here I let my insecurities and fears rule to roost sometimes. Letting thoughts of not being good enough or too boring or not attentive enough or that she will meet someone better than me run through my mind. Often I catch them and balance them with a little realism. I am only human. I know my heart is true and that we have a connection that neither of us has experienced before and I doubt very much I would ever find again in this life time. I know that I can be romantic and thoughtful, loving and caring, passionate and supportive. I just need to have the self-belief and confidence to let these qualities shine through so that I can match the wonderful radiance she has.
Self-esteem is linked to all these aspects. It is the under current of what we can and in many cases should be.
So a helpful guide I have just read is called ‘How to increase your self-esteem’ from the charity Mind and I want you to read it to by clicking here
Then get started on your list of 50 positive aspects about you!