#depression – Chemical Ali – what do Pills, Potions and Anti-Depressants really do for you?

i am three months into a long course of anti-depressants. 

While dosage is about as low as you can go I wanted to share my experience of what anti-depressants have done for me. 

If you’ve read my other post on anti-depressants you will know that I was very reluctant to start. Fearing a permanent need for them to keep me going. 

Well once I made the decision, not taken lightly over two years, to give them a try I found I didn’t feel te sense of failure that I imagined I would.  

I embraced the new regime of the little white pill with breakfast. A little like a vitamin. 

The first twenty eight days passed by quickly. The anti-depressants I have come in strips of twenty eight. 

Within a day or two I felt calmer. More quiet in my mind. This may have been a placebo effect as I had been told not to expect to feel any effect for at least two weeks. 

As I say the first twenty eight days passed quickly. Not being used to prescription drugs I left it a little late to make my appointment to see the doctor to renew it. So a week cropped up where I had no little white pill to accompany breakfast.

It was at this point I realised the effect the anti-depressants had been having. 

The best analogy I have is that of going for a walk in the countryside on a summers day. As you walk and enjoy the beautiful setting the weather slowly turns and a storm brews up around you. You don’t really notice this change. Simply dealing with it best you can. Buffeted by the strong emotional gusts. 

This was how depression crept up on me. It was only when the gusts became too strong to weather that I sought refuge, eventually, with the help of anti-depressants. 

Once in the shelter of the anti-depressant wall life calmed down. My mind became a quieter more tranquil place. I could deal with the challenges of life more easily without feeling overwhelmed or the relentless sense of failure.

With the twenty eight little white pills of refuge coming to an abrupt end I was thrust back into the emotional whirlwind. It was this sudden jolt back out into the storm inside my head that struck home just how much anti-depressants were having an effect. Even at such a low dose!

A good discussion with the doctor saw a prognosis I that at least nine months was needed in order to avoid relapses. 

So that is where I am now. Three months into at least nine. 

My mind is calmer. I am facing the biggest challenges from all aspects of my life that I have ever faced. 

I am winning! Against all the odds I am taking it upon myself to be powerful, as my wonderful soulmate put it. With a calm mind and heart I  able to shape the world around me into a better place for the ones I love. It might take some time to get there but get there I will. With the help of a little white pill.

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